So after our intense interrogation getting into London we were pretty damn paranoid about getting into France, and this time we couldn’t hide the fact we had a car full of backline. We played it ridiculously safe. Nik, Ash and Rhys went as walk on passengers and I drove on, with a list of excuses and lies the length of my arm. This was one of the single most stressful parts of the entire tour, it would be around an hour before we would meet up knowing if the others got through safely. I’d been rehearsing the boys for the last 1 hour drive into Dover, testing that they were well versed in the reasons for visiting France and how even though it seemed to look like it, we weren’t a band, but just four guys hanging out.

It turns out we needn’t have given it even a seconds thought. Nobody even checked the guys’ passports as they walked into France, and the dude who checked me just asked where I was off to, glanced at my passport, then simply waved me forward.

Meeting up together on the ferry was a beautiful moment.

The ferry from Dover takes around 90 mins, but since you cross a timeline you step forward an hour also. The ferry ride isn’t that spectacular, I slept through most of it.

Getting into France gave us our first real culture shock of the entire tour. We stopped at a grocery maybe 30 minutes along the highway, we discovered very quickly that the French don’t care much for helping young foreign speaking lads. We struggled through buying some basics knowing simply bonjour and merci. Pretty much our technique was simply to nod, gesture and keep saying Merci as much as possible. We manage to get some food, somehow.

Two things you need to know about France, the locals generally all despise you and the road tolls you need to pay driving on their highways are ridiculous. It cost us I think 18 Euro just to do the 3 or so hour drive from Calais to Paris. We were freaking out because we thought this was going to be the case all over Europe… luckily it turns out its only France who follow the US east coast local governments approach to user-pays highways.

Driving into Paris from Calais along the highway is hilarious. First up, Calais is the crappest port town you’ll find, even Timaru is a million times more exciting. We drove into France expecting the most beautiful country ever, you hear all the time that The South of France is where it’s at, haha, and I tell you, it cant be worse then the North of France. I’d go as far as to say that a lot of the drive in, especially the outskirts of Paris resembled the worst slums of the US.

It was really funny, because our first show in Paris was on the northern side of the city, and this was all we knew of Paris as we headed into the first show.

The first show in Europe was at an awesome venue called Mains d’Œuvres. It’s like a co-op art’s space and they throw amazing parties, there are awesomely talented people lurking all over the place, artists studios and galleries all over. Tonight we also met for the first time our French booking agents (Summery Agency) – Celine and Vanina, the two of them made our time in Paris so awesome, buying us sandwiches and making sure all the venues paid up, they also booked some kick ass shows. They also introduced us to Isabelle, our French guardian angel who let us crash in her tiny little apartment for a week and showed us all around the city.

The first show we were playing with Audrey, an all girl group from Sweden who I am very fond of. Adam (Kill The Zodiac) first introduced them to me a few years ago and I featured a track of theirs on one of my compilations I released in 2006. When I saw they were playing in Paris around the same time as us I bugged our bookers to get us on the bill (mainly so I could see them for free).

This was a really great show. A reasonable crowd of 100 or so people were there and aside from this show being technically the worst show of the tour, niks pedals and guitar were giving him grief for the first half of the set, people really dug it. We made friends with a little group of fans who would come along to the other Paris shows, and one new friend Hana even shot some nice video of them playing:
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x657qx_over-the-atlantic-mains-doeuvres_music

Audrey were awesome, you could tell it was an off night for them, the singer seemed sick and they didn’t seem to be quite firing, but they have such great songs that didn’t matter too much.

Seriously check them out if you have time: http://www.myspace.com/audreyswe

After the show we went back to Isabelles little apartment. This started perhaps the most monotonous part of the tour, the constant carrying up and down the 6 flights of stairs to her apartment between each of our shows all of our gear….and to make matters worse, her stairs were skinny and a winding staircase. It was worth it though as Isabelle made us feel totally at home, so much so, Rhys thought he would go and block her sink. We had to squeeze the 5 of us in her one bedroom apartment, so I ended up sleeping on the kitchenette floor, wedged in between the rubbish bin and kitchen counter. One night I tipped over a trolley of onions all over myself.

With Isabelle as our guide, she actually showed everyone the truly beautiful side of Paris. My favourite thing (yes, the simple things which make me happy) about Paris though was that I managed to park the car illegally not paying for any car parking for 6 days in Paris and didn’t get one single ticket! I tried to pay for parking, but couldn’t work out how, I even asked a parking warden I saw how to pay, but they couldn’t explain it, so I simply didn’t bother paying (and for once, I got off).

On our first day off Isabelle chaperoned us to an amazing free festival (part of Villette Sonique) http://www.villettesonique.com/ that was happening in the Parc de la Villete, that famous one with all the cool red sculptures. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parc_de_la_Villette . It was a free festival and in really beautiful surroundings. We got to see El Guincho and High Places, two of the most hyped blog bands around for free outside on a sunny day in Paris with maybe a few hundred people…it was amazing. Both acts were great, but I guess in being “friendly” to the walk by all ages audience, it was quite quiet and no way as awesome as it should have been…still….stoked

We hang out and lie around the park grounds for another hour or two with a few of Isabelle’s mates who she had met up with. Me and Rhys were getting fidgety around now, I hadn’t been online for at least 4 hours, and having come from the US where you can be online all day, everyday for free, I hadn’t gotten used to the crap internet off Europe and the UK yet, so we decided to rock the tube back to Isabelle’s house.

I have become fascinated with Tube systems. I think Sallys Dad’s influence has finally worn off on me. I love skipping from train to train, transferring between lines and simply being in awe of the incredible feat of engineering the whole system is.

We left Nik and Ash with Isabelle who right about as I was drooling over super-long bending carriages of the Parisian tube trains, were being let into the VIP area of the festival as Isabelle had blagged them some passes. As they were wining and dining, talking shop and exploring cheese boards me and Rhys had made our way to “goodtimes”, the kebab shop we pretty much bought 90% of our meals in Paris from.

Our second show in Paris, man, I am getting sick of saying “strangest show ever”, but I really can’t come up with another way of describing it. The shows on this tour really seem to push the limits of absurdity. When we had told some Paris locals we were playing “Le Baron”, we were always greeted with “Really?!”, people were totally surprised and we learnt that it was one of the most exclusive clubs in Paris! A club where celebs like Kate Moss are regularly seen at, where the prices are INSANE and the doorman is crazy harsh, only letting beautiful or rich people in. So much so, that once I was in the venue for soundcheck, I didn’t leave again because I knew there was no way I was getting back in, even with my “excuse” as being the tour manager.

We set up in the middle of the dancefloor. The club doesn’t open until 11pm and we had to be finished by midnight, so unfortunately the place wasn’t packed when OTA played, but there were a few dozen people and by the end of the short set they seemed to be really loving it. The most exciting thing…I kid you not, about half way through their set, a dude in sunglasses who looks EXACTLY like Jeff Goldblum arrived with an entourage, the owner of the bar ushered him through to a special corner, even booting out a crew of people already there. I’m pretty sure it was Jeff, I was trying very hard to look, without being a total tool. I’m pretty sure it was, but whoever it was, they were pretty bigtime, and they really enjoyed OTA. This was a crazy atmosphere, try to imagine…

OTA play on a dance floor in the middle of a room in which a few dozen people are littered around, sitting on plush red couches drinking overpriced champagne and cocktails. As the clock neared towards twelve the sound engineer got nervous as slappers in mini-skirts started piling in and he was desperate to start cranking some Britney, he got his way. Within 30 minutes the entire place was pumping with people basically having sex on the chairs infront of us. Rhys was getting extremely stressed because we had used up our rider and the beers were like 9 euro each, so him and his friend Sarah who had flown over from Spain to hang out with us went elsewhere looking for cheaper drinks. I was just laughing at all the idiots who thought they were really classy and sophisticated but were behaving just like any other trashed tarts at a Courtney place bar.

It was an odd situation, definitely car crash syndrome. We couldn’t stand being there because it was so hideous, yet, it was so fascinating to watch we found it hard to leave.

Back to Paris in a few days for one more awesome show…but first, the mission to Clapham!!